Jokes to Roast Someone Funny Jokes

Love em' or hate em', nosotros all know at least a few funny dad jokes. Those cringe-worthy, corny 1-liners are a babyhood staple, whether it was your dad telling them or a sitcom dad on Tv. And y'all know what? Sometimes, they're so bad that they're really adept! The all-time dad jokes piece of work for any occasion, but your pop will particularly capeesh one thrown into his Father's Mean solar day messages or a altogether card. He'll simply accept to fissure a smile when you tell him you lot want to grill him some halibut "but for the halibut" (ba-dum tss). Or that a Dad is like a fine wine—he'll age well if you lock him in the cellar! And if you're struggling with finding gifts for dad this yr, at least you know he'll appreciate a DIY card full of his ain unique brand of humor.

These and then-bad-they're-good one-liners, puns, and funny jokes for kids are appropriate for whatsoever fourth dimension of day, month, or twelvemonth! We're certain that Ree Drummond's husband Ladd appreciates a cheesy dad joke—he loves a proficient prank, after all. Possibly he'll surprise Ree (who has the all-time mom jokes, we should add together) and tell her he's on a seafood diet—he sees nutrient, then he eats it! Get ahead and test out a few of these cringe-worthy yet hilarious all-time dad jokes on your friends and family—you're guaranteed to get a laugh!

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All-time Corny Dad Jokes

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• Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in 1.
• How exercise y'all stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
• How exercise you follow Will Smith in the Mud? Follow the fresh prints.
• What do yous telephone call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
• Why practise seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would exist bagels.
• Am I the only human being my married woman has always dated? Unfortunately yeah, she said the others were all nines or tens!
• I'g thinking I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forwards.
• What'due south the difference between a man's wallet earlier and after kids? There are pictures where the coin used to be.
• What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where'due south popcorn?
• I wish my gray hair started in Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
• What vegetable is cool, just non that cool? Radish.
• My child is blaming me for ruining their altogether. That'due south ridiculous, I didn't even know it was today!
• I oasis't spoken to my married woman in four years. I thought it would be rude to interrupt her!
• My kid gave me a 'World's All-time Dad' mug. At to the lowest degree she inherited my sense of humor.
• When a toddler reaches the "why?" stage, it'southward like opening a bottle of champagne—one time it'south uncorked, in that location's no going dorsum.
• What do you telephone call two monkeys who share an Amazon Prime account? Prime mates.
• You lot tin't spell par entry without "try."
• How practice you lot mensurate the mass of an influencer'south following? Past Instagrams!
• How do you teach kids almost taxes? Consume 38% of their ice foam.
• Two sheep walk into a—baaaa.
• What exercise y'all call a beehive without an get out? Un-bee-lievable.
• What did the seal with one fin say to the shark? If seal is broken, do not eat.
• I wish my kids weren't offended by my Frozen jokes. They actually need to permit information technology go!
• Why did the football game coach get to the depository financial institution? To become his quarter back.
• Why tin't a leopard hibernate? He's always spotted.
• Air used to exist free at the gas station, at present information technology costs 2.50. You want to know why? Inflation.
• I tried to get a smart car the other 24-hour interval only they sold out too fast. Why? I judge I'm just a chip slow.
• I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get meliorate with age. The next mean solar day she locked me in the cellar.
• Why does a husband lead a dog's life? He comes in with muddy feet, gets comfy past the fire, and waits to be fed.
• Did you lot hear well-nigh the claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted a bit more than space.
• What does the stork do once he's delivered the baby? He lies on the couch and drinks a beer!
• How many telemarketers does it take to change a low-cal bulb? Merely ane, but he has to do information technology during dinner.
• Why did the orangish lose the race? Information technology ran out of juice.
• How y'all fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
• Why are fish so smart? They alive in schools!
• What's the best thing nigh Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a large plus.
• Why did the homo fall downwards the well? Considering he couldn't see that well!
• Why exercise peppers brand such skilful archers? Because they habanero.
• What did the sink tell the toilet? You look flushed!
• Where exercise boats go when they're sick? To the dock.
• What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield!
• End looking for the perfect friction match; use a lighter.
• Can February March? No, but April May!
• Why was 6 afraid of 7? Considering 7 ate 9!
• I'yard and so good at sleeping that I do it with my eyes airtight.
• Try the seafood nutrition—you lot meet nutrient, then you eat it.
• What do you telephone call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
• Did yous hear the one well-nigh the roof? Never mind, it's over your head.
• What'southward brown and mucilaginous? A stick.
• I hated facial hair but then it grew on me.
• It really takes guts to be an organ donor.
• Did y'all hear the rumor nearly butter? Well, I'm not going to get spreading information technology!
• What did the plumber say to the vocaliser? Overnice pipes.
• I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you lot didn't like information technology.
• How do you deal with a fear of speed bumps? Yous slowly get over it.
• I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let yous know.
• I'k reading an anti-gravity book. I can't put it downwards!
• I'd avoid the sushi if I were you. It's a petty fishy!
• What state is known for its pocket-size drinks? Minnesota.
• What'due south Forrest Gump's countersign? 1forrest1
• What do houses vesture? An accost.
• What did the ii pieces of bread say on their nuptials day? Information technology was loaf at first sight.
• What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
• What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it simply waved.
• What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.

All-time Dad Joke Puns

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• Why'd the fisherman order the halibut? Just for the halibut!
• Why is Peter Pan always flying? Considering he Neverlands.
  
• What practice yous call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
• How do you lot throw a party in outer space? Y'all planet.
• Why was the broom late to form? It over-swept.
• How practise yous make an octopus express mirth? With ten-tickles!
• What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday? Hoppy Birthday!
• What type of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
• Why couldn't the wheel stand up up by itself? It was ii tired!
• Wanna hear a joke virtually construction? I'm still workin' on information technology!
• What do yous call a fake noodle? An impasta.
• How does a lawyer say goodbye? I'll be suing ya!
• You tin can't trust atoms. They make up everything!
• What made the tomato plant blush? It saw the salad dressing.
• Can I dive in this pool? It deep-ends.
• What did the buffalo say to its son when he left? Bison!
• Why do vampires e'er seem sick? They're coffin.
• What musical instrument do you notice in the bath? A tuba toothpaste!
• Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
• How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.
• Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they utilize a honeycomb.
• Why exercise melons have weddings? They cantaloupe!
• What did the police officer say to her belly button? You're under a belong!
• What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
• What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
• If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
• Did y'all hear almost the outlet who got in a fight with the power cord? He thought he could socket to him.
• What practice y'all phone call a fancy fish? So-fish-ticated.
• If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
• How do you brand 7 fifty-fifty? You take abroad the southward.
• What kind of cars do eggs drive? Yolkswagens.
• Where practise math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
• Why was the stadium then hot subsequently the game? Because all the fans left.

Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

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• The passenger vehicle went to the depository financial institution to get his quarterback.
• I asked my dog what's ii minus ii. He said cypher.
• The first thing Santa's elves learn in schoolhouse is their elf-abet.
• Ghosts are bad liars considering y'all can encounter right through them.
• Shouldn't the "roof" of your rima oris actually exist chosen the ceiling?
• All vampires keep their money in a special place—the blood bank.
• The pony couldn't sing because it was a niggling equus caballus.
• If two vegetarians become in an statement, is it still called beef?
• RIP humid water, yous will be mist.
• I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but she said it'south only a bug that'southward going around.
• I ate a clock the other day. Information technology was very time consuming.
• I have a clean conscious—it'due south never been used.
• I once wrote a song almost a tortilla, just information technology's more than of a wrap.
• You can tell it'south a dogwood tree from its bark.
• When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
• They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions.
• Dogs can't operate MRI machines only catscan.
• A witch'due south vehicle goes brrrroom brrrroom!
• I'm worried for the calendar because its days are numbered.
• Dear Math, it'southward time to grow up and solve your ain problems.
• I but know 25 letters of the alphabet—I don't know y.
• I just don't trust stairs, they're always upwards to something.
• I used to play piano by ear, but at present I use my hands.

Best Dumb Dad Jokes

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• Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
• How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
• Why did the picture go to prison house? Because it was framed.
• How does a hurricane see? With one centre.
• Where do polar bears keep their money? The snowfall bank.
• What's a tornado'south favorite game? Twister!
• How does the moon cut his pilus? Eclipse it.
• What do you phone call a funny mountain? Loma-arious.
• What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
• What did the banana say to the boy? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
• What rock group has four men who don't sing? Mount Rushmore.
• My boss told me to take a proficient twenty-four hours, so I went home!
• What practice you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
• "Did you get your haircut?" No, I got them all cut.
• I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it striking me.
• Wanna hear a joke nearly paper? Never listen. It's tearable.
• How many apples abound on a tree? All of them!
• I talk to myself because sometimes I but need good advice.
• I used to exist addicted to the hokey-pokey until I turned myself around.
• What concert would cost merely 45 cents? fifty Cent featuring Nickelback!
• What do yous phone call someone who tells dad jokes simply isn't a dad? A faux pa.
• I could tell a joke near pizza, but information technology'due south a petty cheesy.
• If you see a crime at an Apple shop, are y'all an iWitness?
• I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs.
• I hate Velcro. It'due south a rip off.
• Spring is hither! I got so excited that I wet my plants.
• I had to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust.
• Practice you know how many people are dead at a cemetery? All of them.
• "I'll call you later." Don't call me later on, call me Dad.
• If the early bird gets the worm, I'll slumber in until there's pancakes.
• The wedding was so beautiful, even the block was in tiers.

Best Dad Jokes for Kids

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• Why are spiders then smart? They can detect everything on the web.
• What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy comport!
• What do you give a sick lemon? Lemon-aid.
• What did the olfactory organ tell the finger? Stop picking on me!
• Why can't your hand be 12 inches long? Because and so it would exist a foot.
• What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A lamborghini.
• What key is used to open bananas? A mon-cardinal.
• What has 4 wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
• How practise y'all talk to a giant? Yous utilize big words!
• How do you make a tissue dance? Put a niggling boogie in information technology!
• What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
• What's a sea monster's favorite lunch? Fish and ships.
• What do y'all call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
• Can a kangaroo bound higher than a business firm? Of grade, houses can't bound.
• Why are pigs then bad at sports? They ever sus scrofa the ball.
• Why shouldn't you tell an egg a joke? It'll crevice upward.
• What's a human foot long and slippery? A slipper.
• Why did the scarecrow win an laurels? He was outstanding in his field.
• What'south a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers!
• What'due south orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
• How does a penguin build a house? Igloos information technology together.
• Why is no 1 friends with Dracula? He's a hurting in the neck.
• Where practice y'all acquire all virtually ice cream? Sundae school.

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